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I have choices. It's going to hurt if I do get this one job from 8pm to 8am but if it's open, I need it. Just gotta still have the hope that I can get something, I've had enough rejection just because I lack any past jobs.

Ever get one of those paranoid feelings and google what could be wrong? I shouldn't do that. My hip hurts on my lfet side from time to time. I hate it. T_T Makes me sometimes wish I had a cane. Maybe.. my body is telling me something (That I do too much for others.) but I can't hear (Too stubborn to listen) what my body would be telling me. o:

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Lullaby
23:46 May 30 2011

Hahah! Google medical freak out! xD It really does make you paranoid though. When you end up googling stuff, your body makes placebo symptoms to fill in the gaps for an illness you may not have, so clam down~ Like ladies that convince themselves that they're pregnant... and they're not. :o

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TheArtistRose
23:59 May 30 2011

lmao! I wouldn't be that stupid. I learned from last time. I think it's like what I said, just been doing too much with it.

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Iiick. I feel so freaking hot and nauseous. May be slow to reply.. x_x

This will be interesting. Lol



Just came back from the BBQ. I haven't had much sleep. I swam in the ocean. Yes, I finally swam. xP It was fun! :O



I'm really sleepy. -.-zzz



The only annoying thing that happened to me was that racist guy in the 7/11 store. Idiot! It's always classic when they say something and you're what they're talking about and then they stfu.

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Lullaby
23:43 May 30 2011

:O

Rose swam!



At least you had fun though. Poor racist blighter. ;]

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Blah, I still feel sorta sick. Guess I'll rest and get ready for the BBQ. I hate that I cancelled out on my friends the other day. I keep getting sick. >:/



It's only gonna be one bus stop this year cause of the area. That'll be nice and easy. Just hope those two can BBQ well while I have fun in the sand. I wish I could find one of my mini metal shovels. >_> Better not see any friends there. No one is invited.



Also, I think I've become sick of people. Just in general. I hate people. o.O They annoy me so.

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PAGAN
07:32 May 29 2011

Hmmm...still sick? Not cool.



Hope the BBQ is fun :P

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I tried but then I ditched everyone. I have a problem. Nothing really does make me happy. I try to fix myself. Just doesn't work all the time. Poor friends of mine. >.>



Ugh, what happened to me? Gotta save myself somehow.



Oh well, maybe going to the beach and BBQing will be of some fun. May-be.

I haven't finished the book yet. I'm far from that point but every time I start to read, it leaves me in giggles. From the most part it can be crude and sad at times. Though it's so human; something lost in books these days. Such emotion without having such bullshit lines about how the sky is blue or the trees, green.



Yes, it can have bathroom humor but if you shun it for that then you'd be missing out on a nice story. And yes, it has a few half naked pictures and one penis but that's besides the point. It's not porn at all. I think it's the fact that people shy away from such stuff that we hate it or laugh and hey, why not laugh? It's better than finding no humor in anything.



Anyway, even though I never read a story like this before I can say that it's nice. =] Never had a problem like she did but it was interesting thus far.





'The Bedwetter' - Stories Of Courage,Redemption, And Pee- By Sarah Silverman

Ah fuck. To come home to that was the low part of my day. Otherwise today's been sorta fun. I'm way too hard on myself. I shouldn't be but I am. Because I'd end up saying something stupid like [Edit Edit Edit] and I'll never understand. =/



Makes the messanger dead.



Ah well I got my book. -Sigh-

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Lullaby
02:20 May 26 2011

I'm thinking a nice KICK right now would help... >:(



At least you had fun! And got the book! Ninja... ninja.

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TheArtistRose
11:13 May 26 2011

" Stop hatin'. It's not nice on the person you be hatin' on, which happens to be yourself. You'll make yerself sad. :o" -I like the quote. >_>

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Sometimes I wonder what happened? Those sweet words "My little shana madela." Now everything I hear is go get a job like I'm some broke other parent. I could really use your words of encouragement sometimes.

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Sulks
17:29 May 23 2011

Ach, sometimes people forget that they should use encouragement. Hope it all works out for you, I know you will be great at whatever it is you find to do, it might just take time. Until then, keep on being you :P

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Been sick the last few weeks. I sort of feel like I've lost a bit of weight. Not that I care much. Always been a yo-yoer. I figured out how to not end up with the pillow on my face. The trick is to hold onto the pillow from the start. xD



I haven't been outside much and I'm sick of it. I'll be out later today. Pay some bills and take a long walk without telling anyone. :P

I have a bad head ache and I'm tired as hell. That is how my day went.

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Lullaby
04:19 May 23 2011

Well... I was gonna ask...

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Woops, gotta hate when that happens. I edited something and it didn't show up. o.o

Headlocking my stuffed animal and sleeping in the softness. All is dark and beautiful. With this morning as an exception; today's starting to look just fine. Not much sorrow, just one damnable head ache.

For the first time in years, I've cried. All day, all night. I wouldn't have said anything to anyone but I'll end up having this conversation in my head if I don't.



Today, I was upset. Nothing seems nice anymore. Everything is my fault and nothing is ever mine. I had stopped caring, about them and mostly about myself. Which seemed bad because you made it seem as if I'd do something stupid.. I wouldn't, it's not like me, but then again, nor is all this poor me crap.



I've been feeling sorry for myself. But you know why? Because no one else will. Not even you. Everything is yours. Wtf is up with "That's my shirt give it back.", am I not worthy enough to have clothes..



I don't even want your fucking hugs. The only one who even cares is the damn cat nudging me and that makes me cry even more.



I know, everyone is supposed to get rid of the past but it's killing me inside. I sleep every time you stress me out. I don't even try going outside anymore. Because going anywhere means it's for you or it'll cost money. Hell.. I feel so worthless.



And I'm never going to tell anyone because it'll have an effect on our situation.. I just hate myself all day. Plus what can I say if someone were to ask what's wrong? I have no idea.. I don't know..

Can't fill in the forbidden letters. But for once.. yeah, it's been years. I'm so losing it. -_-

Brb, ***ing.

Ever have one of those days where everything is so cold, but it's not and you know it? Where you just want to suffocate yourself with a coat or hoodie because everything is freezing but you're body is too warm. I don't think I'll ever make sense.. T_T

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Lullaby
08:18 May 16 2011

I get that all the time. Y'all telling me it's not cold and all...



-sobs in corner-

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TheArtistRose
08:25 May 16 2011

Lol Because it's not. xD

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Lullaby
03:19 May 19 2011

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THAT didn't last long at all. XD



God, so much laughing. :3 Last time, I made him cry, but this time, I insulted him with the whole school. Stupid poll kids. hahaha They never grow up.

Christ, I have no idea why I let him add me again but I did. XD I'll just torture him till I get bored. >.> Lol Besides everyone tells me what a creep he is. If he asks me out again, I'll just tell him to fuck off. lolol

I don't know why but I want it more than ever now. I just don't know if I'm worthy enough. It would be super awesome if we all just.. joined. >_>

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Lullaby
14:55 May 15 2011

I know, right? :P





I don't have the guts to ask him though, and I haven't even tried for it yet. :P

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TheArtistRose
15:27 May 15 2011

xD Still, I'd be honored. And if not his place, then yours, if you make one. I'm scared too. xD

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Sometimes one has to cherish what they have. Even in my darkest days I've seen the light. If there's one thing that I've learned it's to never give up.



I've slept way too much in the past few days and all I could dream about was the past. lol Like school days, ah, gotta miss the fun. If I could go back and change things? I'd never. Everything good and bad; played out just right.



I suppose I should eat something and try to regain my health. But well, this would be the only time I'd say I want something bloody. That or I wish I had broccoli. Something better than chicken or pork. I want beef god damn it. ._.

I be a sleep walking ninja with fast guns.

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Lullaby
15:16 May 14 2011

"No one"



... ;D Hello. :P

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TheArtistRose
23:46 May 14 2011

Lol, you're the only one most of the time. :P

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Ugh, It's times like this that I hate having a low iron intake. This is why I've been even sleepyer.

Do people take the time to read profiles? God damnit. I feel like a prick but I'm so bad at wanting to be protective to some people. Is that bad? I'm also a sucker for some things.. like feeling guilty over the slightest stupid stuff that I've pulled.





I'm so freaking sorry. I was sleeping and this stupid computer was being a dick.



There are some people on here that have my utmost respect. Apparently, that hasn't been so good to the people that have crossed the line. So many become pissed at me. I couldn't care less but I hate it when they become friends with the person that I've protected and act like everything is all cool and then stalk my profile all the time and blame me for being honest.



I can't stand when people act.



This was written about most of the people not just one person.



The truth is that I'm not just some stuck up bitch. I'm a total softy. There I said it! And I have no regrets!



And for the hell of it, I want to type out, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. T_T

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Lullaby
02:42 May 13 2011

... Hugs ahoy!



I shouldn't have threatened him, hence the sorry. Remember the... love another member got? When he was overly affectionate towards myself? :P I thought it be not good in Art. :P



I just went about telling him to lay off, in a rather wrong way.

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TheArtistRose
07:11 May 13 2011

I woke up bitch-tastic so I was a bit in a foul mood. It's just that there are others that can get on my nerves too.



Sounds like a time for chocolate.. xD Self joke. xP



Hugs indeed. :P

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Another death in the family. The funeral is tomorrow. He was a close cousin of my mother's. It's days like this that I wish I had seen more of my other family. She was so upset about it.



Another year and another one down.. it's always how it is. I don't even know how to feel. Just like every funeral. And I know I've been to too many in my life time.

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Memoir
23:46 May 12 2011

:( I'm sorry to hear that.

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OMG! I was sleeping and woke up screaming and scared the shit out of my mother by doing that. My hand was even trembling. It was a dream that some crazy animal bit me but it was just so real. o.O



Scared the shit out of me too because she said I screamed like someone was killing me. xD

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Sulks
20:18 May 11 2011

o.O

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Why do I feel as if I was hit on the side of the head? o.O

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Army
10:12 May 10 2011

I dunno.... *hides baseball bat*

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TheArtistRose
10:48 May 10 2011

I think it was more like a cane.. :P But I don't know. Sometimes I sleep through the darnest things.

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I hate that. I don't care what day it is. You always know how to get me down. I just wish for the worst sometimes so I wouldn't have to hear anyone.

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Lullaby
12:36 May 08 2011

I know you're an artist, and I know it seems like a good, romantic idea at the time, BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! D:

DON'T CUT YOUR EARS OFF! D:

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Minerva
12:40 May 08 2011

Rofl. XD No ear cutting. I just hate the poor me act that I hear all the time. And yet I'm the bad guy. >_-

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You have no idea of how much you remind me of someone. Noo idea. And sometimes I think it's fate; yet I hate to feel as if I'm re-living life as a copy.



That's what I am, just a copy. It isn't so bad but I wish I could have made things better.

Oh hell.. Maybe I do give up. This sick girl feels worse. >_-

I may be sick and weak right now but I'll be damned if you'll hold me back anymore. Stupid virus/cold can go suck it.



Even if I have no keys, or you complain that you'll be sick.. I couldn't care less. It's spring and I've been a lonely soul. I don't even care about the other shops. I want to go to that one. Besides what do I care if you want to go or not? It's hard work taking care of an adult and a pre-teen all the time. Why do you think I secretly quit? :P Lolol

One of those days where dreams are sweeter than life. But I never bring myself to sleep. It's a hot night and my room is so stuffy. I wake up with nose bleeds. It's so hot and I never used to get them until this place.



It's the 5th. I won't be here the 7th. I'll be sleeping then. I'll be at the village. Maybe staying there late just for the hell of it. But I don't know. It depends.



I do wish that I could get out and go places by myself. I can, I did work hard for the car fare for trains but I still have a budget. Meh, I'm used to it but I do envy others.

If there's one thing I'm scared of then it's love. Being someone who hides most emotions, I tend to hate things like hugs. I really don't fully understand what it's like to have this feeling of love except for just a few family members and friends. But it's very rare and still even then everyone will less likely get a hug from me.



I don't know how this happened? I can't even cry if someone tried to make me. Maybe a few tears at most but never any sobbing. Is there something wrong with me or do I just hate love because I protect myself from getting hurt?



Well whatever it is, I do know that I was always one to hide behind a smile. My main reaction to everything is laughing. Kinda stupid. -.-

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Memoir
23:36 May 04 2011

You remind me a lot of my boyfriend...probably why we get along so well :) hahaha

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I got my message. haha Oh well. :P



On another note, I have a mic. A crappy one but one all the same.

I wish people were faster in messages. I'm sleepy. :/ Oh well, it takes time and I need rest.



But hey there are some things that I can't wait for. haha I'm not even low enough to make fun of some people.

LE GRAND JEU



This video is rotten but I do enjoy the film shorts from time to time. Poor lady. I laughed the second time I saw it. >.>

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Lullaby
08:25 May 02 2011

That was so horrible lol. When I watched it, I knew that was gonna happen. xD

Poor lady. xP

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Brb, being sick.

Erase, delete, distroy.



















Thanks.

Fuck you.

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Bones
05:05 May 01 2011

My sentiments, exactly. ;)

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Lullaby
12:07 Jul 15 2012

^ LOL!

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In the end we are all alone. But, sometimes .. eh, I've got nothing.